Will everyone please stop calling Justin Beiber a girl!
Some of us don’t want him in our sex more than you do guys..
Just in case.
May 9, 2012
Last Words To Everyone.
If I die sooner then expected, I wish to pass on what I have been know and have been blessed with.
This isn’t a suicide note, more of a precaution to what my future entails. I don’t know when or how I will pass, but it is inevitable.
My loving family. If I am no longer able to speak to you, I’m telling you now how grateful I am for being born into this house.
Dad, when I was younger we didn’t talk as much about my feelings as I thought that was for Mum. When I was going through the summer of my graduation year from highschool, I yelled at you to stop talking to me and leave me alone. Those words have since changed and after that I open up freely around you and talk about everything, be it boys or my general health. This is something I have to admit I was scared of doing with you before for no good reason. You have always been the humor in my life, and have molded that part of me. Countless British comedies that I will love forever. Monty Python, Faulty Towers, Little Britain. It goes on. You have also taught me to be wise with my money and if I haven’t told you yet, you now know how much I admire the way you handle it. I may not be the best penny saver now, but I’m working to change that. Thank you for always believing in me and pushing me to make something of myself to become a woman who can sustain herself and if so a family.
Mom, words cannot express my gratitude. You were always the ‘cool’ mom when I was little. I still remember one day when we were with auntie Akiko and her and Mariko had a fight and I heard Mariko say “ I hate you”. Though the words were empty and meant nothing, simply a sentence spurned from an argument, I vowed I would never say that to you. Ever. Because in no possible way could I ever even come close to meaning it. In highschool, I went through a rough time. It took me 4 years to fully open up about my depression to you and dad and finally admit that I was self hurting. Ever since then, through ups and downs, our relationship matured but it has taken a toll. Whenever I call, you worry thinking that something’s wrong or I’m hurt. This is purely my fault for hurting myself and consequently hurting my family. I may not be the easiest person to get along with and im stubborn and cynical at times, but you gave me the biggest heart I could ever imagine. Sometimes it acts as a burden as you obviously know I care too much for people in cases and have a hard time saying no. However, most of the times it’s a blessing. I have people constantly thanking me almost everyday for helping them in some way, whether its listening to them or aiding them through life. Believe it or not, most of the advice I give them is from you. You have always been there for me, but drawn the line when needed. We both learnt that tough love in our relationship only makes us stronger.
Adam. My big brother. Often at times, I view you as my little brother, and don’t get mad, its only because I feel the need to take care of you. I have to say, we have one of the most amazing sibling relationships I have ever seen. I don’t ever really tell you about my problems in depth, but that’s only because I don’t want you to see me cry. But I always listen to yours. And through everything we’ve been through I could not be happier that I have had you as my brother. You are and will always be my big brother. Believe it or not, we’re pretty different. When I was around 16, I wanted to be nothing like you. I was mean and viscous towards you because for some reason everything pissed me off. I hated how you could be so open to strangers and friendly to them. You seemed so much more mature than me but at the same time so immature. I now open up to people, smile at them and have become more like you in that way. I was always a hermit but have thus since become more social. Sure I have my days where I don’t want to leave bed but those are needed. Now I said that we were different, but only to point out that together as siblings, one has what the other lacks. I have a dark sense of humor that you buffer. You like milk and im lactose intolerant. Big or small, we fill in each other’s gaps, but I can always laugh with you.
I didn’t say this in the paragraphs for you guys as id be repeating myself over and over again, but it applies to all of you. I love you. I love you all so much and though I may not show it at times I’m positive you know it. I pray to god that you don’t have to read this anytime soon, just so I can spend a long life with all of you.
Georgie Wolfe. My little sister. Forever and always. We have been through a whole lot if I do say so myself. I’d never see me as a role model for you and wish I wasn’t. You saw me at my absolute rock bottom and it scared you senseless. Anyone would run and stay away, but though it took sometime, you have always been there. If I’m gone now, I’m so sorry. Im so sorry I cant be there to see you mature into your full potential. But ill always be looking over you and even though it may not seem it, I will always listen to you. You are part of my own personal family. I’m writing this now, but when or if I have kids, I would be honored if you were their godmother. I wouldn’t know a stronger woman to be there for them if I pass too soon. I love you baby sis.
Oliver Nott. Ottie. Fluffy. Highschool isn’t the most important time in a persons life, but you are an important person to me. We have been through storms and back. I have hated you and cried over you. But no matter how much I thought I hated you, I always cared. Whenever you go to an aquarium I hope you think of me and the otters. I hope that someday my kids can call you Uncle Nott if not otherwise. You’ll always be my Sir Fluffsalot.
Jonny Norris. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that you saved my life. You did. You picked me up when I had been kicked and broken. You were always a smile needed and a shoulder to cry on. If we’re not friends anymore, I would have to say that would be a tremendous loss. If we are, I would like you to be my children’s godfather. They need a bit of humor and a fun loving family member, which you always were to be. Love you nor nor.
Finally, Justin Logan. May I just say, Holy shit. Pardon my French but seriously man. Seriously. For one year, you were my best friend, and the love of my life. That’s not an overstatement. I love/d you with everything I had. I loved you too much that I became overbearing and strangled everything out of you. The next year, you hated me. That was probably the most crushing thing I had ever had to deal with in my teen years. Im not writing this to focus on the bad things. Though there may be more to come, I will always have hope that we will be the friends we were in school. You opened up the simple pleasures of life to me. The laughter was endless. Who would have known that you puffing up your cheeks for me to poke would cause me to giggle so much. I don’t really know what to write. We’ve been through a lifetime of emotions together. Jesus, I thought I was going to get married to you for gods sakes. I even remember when we actually talked about what our kids would be named. You were only 16 at them time but I felt that you were years older (which became a fault of our relationship). I wanted to honestly marry you. I thought that no man could ever bring me so much happiness, not like you did. But all I ask for now is forgiveness if it hasn’t been given. I finally realized I don’t have any reason to hate you like I thought I did. You made me the person I am, I love who that is. So thank you for all your negativity that has only made me stronger, and shown me the path way to better relationships. I pray that some higher power or luck would grace me with just a few more years with you, whether it be in your arms in the morning having our lazy wake ups or by your side, crying from laughter. Friend or lover. It is safe to say, Justin Logan, you were the first man I have ever loved. And for that, I will always and I thank you. If I don’t have kids at the time, I would like to leave all my savings to him, if I do however, ¼ of my savings will be left in your name.
To everyone else, a few more names I should mention. Lisa Korzenowski, Max Ogle, Jeffrey Tittiger, Keah Sully-Daniels, Izzy Theil, Jason Bradbury, Alex Hutchinson, Francesca Whiffin, Brynne Blanchflower, The whole Tod-Tims family, Travis Cameron, Hilary Tan, Chris Reynolds, Georgia Logan, Thys- Jan Meyburg, Sean Thornber, Cody Milne, Alex Fox, Jenner Teuful, Erica Dalrymple, Erica Hanson, Julie Graham, Grace Lant, Stephanie Wong, Adele Lee, Alister Yee, Brandon “Besles” Besley. This list is incomplete. I do wish to extend on a lot of these names what you mean to me as I feel you don’t fully understand but for those who I don’t, I trust you know the meaning you have given in my life.
Love, Sian “Pika” “Lilo” “Smore” “Smorris” “Shnuggles” “Kitten” Morris.
